LEAKED: “One Wasatch” Concept Meeting

Posted by on Apr 21, 2014 in Outdoor | No Comments

The transcript from a One Wasatch concept meeting was leaked to me recently. Actually, “leaked” is misleading. Alta sent it to me when I asked him if I could have it.

Ski Utah: Thanks for being here. This is an exciting moment. We are on the verge of history.

Canyons: To the future!

Everyone: To the future!

Ski Utah: As you know, we are here today to discuss an old idea, one that has never been well-received by the public, and that has always failed because of the shortcomings that are baked into it. We know that it’s an idea loaded with false promises and inflated marketing hype. But I believe that we can change all of that with a few small adjustments. Of course, I’m talking about Interconnect.

All: Interconnect!

Ski Utah: The holy grail of empty propaganda!

Brighton: How are we going to change public perception?

Solitude: We tried using Facebook to promote SkiLink, I had to fire our entire social media team.

Brighton: Team? You are the social media guy!

Solitude: Well, I would have fired the team. If I had one.

Ski Utah: This new plan is social media proof! It will promote itself.

Snowbird: What is it then? Let’s hear what you’ve got.

Ski Utah: It’s Interconnect. But we don’t call it that. Instead, we will think of a new name for it, and present that to the public.

Snowbird: That’s it. That’s your plan?

Ski Utah: Yeah.

Alta: I like it. It’s simple.

Snowbird: You always did like simple things.

Alta: What’s that supposed to mean?

Snowbird: Exactly.

Brighton: Simple, and brilliant!

Deer Valley: I don’t know, our clientele are very sophisticated. They might see through a name change.

Park City: Are you kidding? Your clientele are ungulates. You’ve been fooling them, along with magazine editors, with ads for “fresh powder” for decades. We all know Deer Valley is just a real estate development with a few groomers covering the paved roads.

Canyons: (Jealous!)

Deer Valley: That’s an outrage! Some of our groomers cover dirt roads.

Canyons: (Jealous!)

Ski Utah: It’s not just a name change though, we will create a slick website with some vague maps and some killer copy.

Alta: Skiers don’t like “killer copy”. That stuff is for snowboarders.

Snowbird: How would you know? You’ve never met a snowboarder.

Alta: Yeah, but I see them scraping the snow off of your slopes every day.

Brighton: I know the copywriter at Backcountry.com, I’m sure he can throw some “freshies” and “sick brahs” and “shreddin’ pows” together in an afternoon.

Ski Utah: Good. That’s our first action item. Get some sick copy from the bro at BC.

Brighton: Sweeeet!

Deer Valley: What about our clientele? Can we get some copy written that they will appreciate?

Park City: Why are you even here? Seriously, who invited Deer Valley? I thought we agreed that Sundance and Deer Valley were not invited.

Deer Valley: I’m sitting right here. I can hear you.

Park City: I know that.

Ski Utah: Let’s talk about the name change. I’ve written down a few ideas I’ve had, but I’m open to suggestions: “InterLift”, “LiftConnect” ,”SkiLifted” , “SkiUtahWithOneTicket”, and my favorite so far, “Eurosatch”.

Brighton: Eurosatch? I don’t get it.

Deer Valley: Oh good grief man. Euro, as in Europe, and satch as in the Wasatch. Am I  surrounded by infants?

Brighton: Oh, so like a European resort, but not in Europe?

Deer Valley: Good job, Brighton. I knew you’d get there.

Ski Utah: Everyone knows that everything in Europe is better, including skiing. If we can get folks to think that Utah is just like Europe, then we might be able to coax a few more people to come here, instead of Switzerland, Italy, or Germany.

Alta: Maybe we could have an Oktober Fest with beer and stuff.

Snowbird: Are you serious?

Canyons: I don’t like the name. Too European. We need something that the locals will go for.

Alta: “FreedomSki”.

SkiUtah: That’s not bad, actually.

Snowbird: Let’s back up a second. What is the primary goal of Interconnect? Why have we been pushing it for years?

Solitude: Interconnect is an expensive infrastructure plan that will encourage skiers to leave our resorts.

Snowbird: Exactly! So let’s think of a name that conveys that.

Alta: “SkiToLeave”.

Canyons: “Start at Canyons, Finish Some Other Place”.

Ski Utah: I like where your head is at Canyons, but that’s too similar to SkiLink .

Alta: “CanyonKonnector”.

Deer Valley: With a K?

Alta: Yeah, it’s Katchy!

Deer Valley: Alright, I’m leaving. Goodbye.

Park City: Finally.

Alta: “InterWasatch”.

Brighton: “SkiWorld”.

Alta: “LimboLifts: Where you’re never anywhere”.

Ski Utah: OK, why don’t we come back to the name later. Let’s talk about how we can rebrand this tired idea.

Snowbird: We need to help people understand the big picture. Once they see that they can pay a lot of money to be able to leave every resort, they will be hooked.

Solitude: We should focus on the experience. Like, say, “Ski powder, groomers, ice, crowded parks, and wait in line most of the day for one extremely high price!”

Park City: I love that.

Ski Utah: I really like it too, I’ll send it over to my guys in marketing. They may want to fine tune it a little. But great job, Solitude. We are making some progress!

Snowbird: We’ll also need to make it sound like all of us are situated really close together.

Ski Utah: Right, I’m already on that. I had one of my guys cook up some copy. It says some stuff about literal neighbors, rope lines, and compact geography.

Snowbird: Good. Good. We have to keep our talking points elevated. No need for details.

Deer Valley: That’s why you don’t get the ratings I do. You don’t pay attention to details.

Park City: I thought you left.

Deer Valley: I stepped outside for a caprese salad and a glass of lemon-kissed sparkling water. I feel much better now.

Park City: Of course you do.

Deer Valley: I’ll have some of my people put something together about shopping and fine dining that should really excite the eastern seaboard.

Ski Utah: Good idea. See, everyone, Deer Valley isn’t completely useless.

Snowbird: What about endorsements?

Ski Utah: We are woking on that too. Those will be easy. Half the state legislature have economic ties to our industry. We will also need to take some of the negative comments in the press out of context, to make them sound positive. Again, that should be easy.

Alta: This is going to be so sick! Colorado is going to be like “whoa, dude, all we got is pot. Utah is rad.”

Snowbird: Just like a day at Snowbird!

Alta: Yeah! Wait. What?

Snowbird: Hey, Alta, are you ready to allow snowboarders on your slopes?

Alta: Ha! No.

Snowbird: You’re going to have to. If a boarder buys a FreedomSki pass at the Canyons, he can ride 5 or 6 lifts to the top, then the one over to Brighton, and then the 5 or 6 at Brighton to finally ride his first run of the day down Grizzly Gulch, and right to your front door.

Alta: So, we are going with the FreedomSki name?

Ski Utah: No. Maybe. But I think Snowbird was just making a point.

Alta: But he said “FreedomSki.”

Ski Utah: We need to move on. We haven’t even come up with a price tag yet.

Deer Valley: No need. Instead, just focus on the all the great things they will get: 1 million acres, 1,000 lifts, 40 resorts.

Ski Utah. Good idea. Your numbers are a little off, but good idea.

Park City: What’s next, then?

Ski Utah: Any newspapers that call need to know that this is not Interconnect with a new name. Tell them that it’s an entirely new concept, designed to unify us into one Wasatch resort.

Snowbird: That’s it!

Alta: What’s it?

Snowbird: The name!

Alta: “Interconnect With a New Name!” I love it.

Snowbird: No. “One Wasatch.”

Ski Utah: That is perfect. Now, let’s get to work.