Vegan Fail

Remember when I said I was going to be a vegan for 30 days? Neither do I.

I lasted 5 days.

In fact, I was doing quite well. But—and I’m still not quite sure why—my sister offered me $20 to stop being a vegan. I didn’t even consider not accepting that offer. I pocketed the money and bought a burger. It was a classic life-lesson in the power of incentive and market unpredictability. Or something.

So, yeah, I failed at veganism. Thankfully.

But my small foray into that sanctimonious world was not without benefit. I learned a few things:

1. Unless one is morally motivated, I see no reason to abstain from meat and dairy. Moderation? Sure. But I’m not sure that living only on fruits, nuts, and grains—along with the various soy creations—is any more healthy than living on fruits, nuts, grains, meat and cheese.

2. Veganism takes a monumental effort. My entire life became centered around one question: “can I eat that?” It became rather taxing. However, after a little persnickety shopping, I was able to find enough alternatives to normal food to get me through the day. Kind of.

3. Everything has dairy. Seriously. Dairy is everywhere.

4. Diets are personal. My body is not the same as your body. I thrive on certain foods. Maybe you don’t. If you are a vegetarian, or a vegan, that’s great. But I don’t need to hear about it every 4 minutes.

5. Respect. Despite what I said in #4, I will admit that I admire the self-discipline that vegans employ. Except for Scott the Runner. He’s an ass.

So. I failed. But the corn dog(s) I had at Disneyland helped me forget the crushing guilt. Plus, $20 is $20.

And, if I’m not mistaken, is also the modern equivalent of 30 pieces of silver.