Win Any Race
Imagine this: You awake one morning to find a man standing next to your bed. Maybe he looks like Don Cheadle, and calls himself Cash. He offers you something—a glimpse, but even better. He tells you to pick a bike race—any bike race—to ride in. And not only that, but he promises that as part of the deal, you’ll win that race. You look at him incredulously. He insists he is serious. Your skeptical, until he says “Hey, it worked with Nick Cage…”
What race do you pick?
Listed below are some of my considerations—in no particular order:
The Giro d’Italia: I love the absurdity of some of the Giro stages. The switchbacks in the mountains seem extra tight and twisty, the mountains taller, and covered in more snow (it is a month earlier than the Tour), and the crowds more dense and vocal. Of course, that may all simply be perception. But of the Grand Tours, I think the Giro is the most challenging, exciting, and more fan-friendly. And as a bonus… I’m 50% Italian. In what other race will you see an American ride to victory in a storm, and wearing ski goggles?
Paris-Roubaix: Any race that Bernard Hinault calls “bullsh*t” is a race I’m interested in. Why’d he say that? Because the cobbles are ridiculous, difficult, and dangerous. Perfect. There may not be more iconic imagery in cycling than the mud and cobbles of this race. It is the Spring Classic, and has been for nearly 110 years. To win Paris-Roubaix would be a career defining moment, especially if the conditions were especially epic—as they seem to be each and every year. But just to add to the spectacle, I’d ride it—and win—on my mountain bike.
The Colorado Trail Race: The CTR is on my list. The Tick List. I am going to ride it one day. And soon I hope. At 470 miles and over 65,000 vertical, the CTR defines the self-supported mountain bike movement. It climbs and contours through some of the Rocky Mountain West’s most rugged and remote and inspiring country. It’s beautiful and terrible. To finish—let alone win—that race would be something I’d shamelessly talk about forever. I’d begin every other conversation with “The year I won the CTR… ” And unlike the examples above, the CTR is a race I can actually participate in. For free. I have a hard time thinking of anything better than 4-6 days of high altitude singletrack.
The Thursday Night Race: World fame and fortune are nice. But ‘aint nothing better than local bragging rights. I want the belt. But between me and it, are several of the fastest mountain bikers I’ve ever seen. If I’m ever going to claim the prize, it’s going to take supernatural intervention. But don’t worry guys, If that happens, I’ll send Don over to your place when he’s finished with me. And at least I’ll always have Village Inn afterwards. However, if I do win the belt, I’ll be wearing it every day.
But here’s the truth: I’d be happy to win any race. Any race at all. Which is, I suppose, the reason I continue to line up week after week after week. The mere possibility of winning—however remote—keeps me, and probably you, coming back for more. In fact, each race is a glimpse. A brief window into an alternate reality wherein we are Andy Hampsten, George Hincapie, John Stamstead or Cru Jones. And in the end, maybe that glimpse is enough. But even if it is, I’m not going to stop trying to win.
Now, it’s your turn. What race do you pick? Why?
23 Comments
mark
June 8, 2010Ronde van Vlaanderen, which, contrary to your assertion, is the spring classic.
Grizzly Adam
June 8, 2010To do that, you may need the Gruber Assist.
mark
June 8, 2010I would need a lot more than a Gruber assist.
mark
June 8, 2010And is it just me, or does Gruber Assist sound like it should be a sex toy? The fact that you slot it into a 31.6mm seat tube doesn’t help, either.
Grizzly Adam
June 8, 2010Whenever I see “Gruber Assist” I just instinctively say “MacGruber!”
SKiMoab
June 8, 2010I’d like to win a Weekly Race Series race on the Sundance course. Plenty of local bragging rights there as well as some of the best scenery and racing around.
After that, I’d ask him to let me finish the Wasatch Classic.
KanyonKris
June 8, 2010A valid question / fantasy. But I’d rather be transported to place I’ve never been to ride for the day.
Grizzly Adam
June 8, 2010Even in fantasy you are anti-race? Come on Kris! 😀
mark
June 8, 2010Kris, that’s not a fantasy, it’s just a matter of packing up your bike and going somewhere.
KanyonKris
June 8, 2010OK, I have some racing spirit, here goes:
An obvious choice, but to win the Alp de Huez stage of The Tour works for me. The never ending switchbacks, being able to look down and see you pursuers, the road lined with fans screaming encouragement, the history of this climb – yeah, that would be pretty sweet.
But I’ve become such a fan of the Giro I’d be tempted to go with winning the Gavia stage – great history, good climb, scenic. But then I saw pictures of the Stelvio – I’m awestruck by the majesty of this climb, just look – http://italiancyclingjournal.blogspot.com/2009/01/climbing-famous-stelvio.html
Mark: Isn’t that the beauty of ride-for-pleasure philosophy?
Grizzly Adam
June 8, 2010Nice. Those are high on my list as well. A win on one of the iconic mountain tops of Europe would be pretty damn sweet.
Bill Martin
June 8, 20101) World 24 Hour Solo, 2) 2010 Butte 100, 3) Great Divide Race
Rick S.
June 8, 2010Singlespeed World Championship. I just want to ride in that event before I die. Thursday Night Race is a close 2nd.
Grizzly Adam
June 8, 2010The SSWC tattoo would look good on you Rick.
Jeff Higham
June 8, 2010Does this include the avoidance of any criticism by the world that you were doping (biologically or mechanically) to win?
Jason
June 8, 2010The first race the came to mind was Flanders… and I would do it without a team. Mark is right, it’s the king of classics.
The snowbird Hillclimb would be pretty sick as well, but only if you smashed the record.
atomicmiles
June 8, 2010I want to see Kris win Lotoja.
KanyonKris
June 8, 2010That’s tempting. Think how stinging my criticisms would be if delivered right after I won the silly thing.
Forrest Gladding
June 8, 2010Flanders! then maybe the Snowbird Widowmaker, wait I won that when I was young.
Forrest Gladding
June 8, 2010And yes I was not being conceited, but rather a smartass with my comment.
Emily
June 8, 2010its gotta be Western NC’s The Most Horrible Thing Ever, which was forced to change its name to the less descriptive Pisgah 36. Non-lapping, multistage race in February, in Pisgah, over two nights and one day. Only had two finishers this year, which is the highest number of finishers the race has ever seen.
Brandon
June 9, 2010I am pretty happy with some of my results so far this year. 1st on the Wed. night Sundance series icup course, and best of all 1st on the Thursday Night scene. For me racing is at its best when you can race against friends in the same class. But for any race for some reason La Ruta in Costa Rica and the Giro D’Italia would be on my list. And call me crazy but I really would like one of those “mining carts” from winning the Leadville Trail 100 MTB race.
Dave
June 10, 2010The 2011 Dixie 311.