Missing the Red

Posted by on Jan 28, 2010 in Bike, St. George | 12 Comments

Back in Yonder Times when targets were painted red and white, folks would have contests trying to hit that target with various forms of weaponry. Mostly primitive projectiles (since it was Yonder Times) like spears and bows. And perhaps an atlatl. When a competitor hit the white part of the target, which was worth fewer points, it was referred to as “missing the red”.

Right now, I am missing the red. But in a different, less made up way. Yes, it’s true. The above is completely fabricated nonsense. But you probably knew that.

Nonetheless, I am craving some time on snaky desert singletrack. Badly. And while the snowy Wasatch is beautiful and wonderful and all those other superlatives, it can, at times, be rather gloomy and, with our current snow pack, even spooky. The fact that the ICUP season opener is a little more than six weeks away is also adding fuel to that fire. I miss St. George. Potatoes and all.

And therein is the problem. I can’t go. Not for two weeks. Why? This is why! And that* requires two weeks of no-bike time. Which would have been perfect had I been recovering, as planned, from Camp Lynda, all week long. Alas, I am now sitting fidgety and with a dull ache in my lower abdomen wishing I could ride the new Presidio on the snowy roads, or flee to the desert and turn laps on Stuki Springs and the Hurricane Rim.

*If you are considering such a procedure, I say, “do it!” If even for the small dosage of Valium you are required to take before hand. I was in a fantastic mood while the Doc tugged and pulled and pinched and cut and cauterized. And as a bonus, my wife is rather happy. Exactly as is depicted on the brochure I was given. Seriously. This might be the creepiest pencil sketch I’ve ever seen:

Where was I? Right, St. George. As Liz Lemon says so often, “I want to go to there“. And in a couple of weeks, I will.

Who’s with me?


  1. KanyonKris
    January 28, 2010

    Count me in, for St. George that is.

    That creepy sketch caught my eye. I was afraid to read your post, but then I did and it made sense.

  2. Aaron
    January 28, 2010

    Do you have to grow a peda-stash like the guy in the brochure before you can undergo this procedure? If so, please post pictures.

  3. Alex/Watcher
    January 28, 2010

    That sketch would be so much better if it was the exact same scene, but there was a TV remote lying on his belly, a slice of pizza in one hand and a beer in the other.

  4. Ed
    January 28, 2010

    JJ made a point of directing me to this post – thanks.



  5. Derek
    January 28, 2010

    You must have ignored or missed Toad’s comments on the umb board. He would rather be celibate than deal with the post op pain he has suffered since his vasectomy.

  6. Karl
    January 28, 2010

    OUCH! I bet sitting in the snow would feel good.

  7. Grizzly Adam
    January 28, 2010

    So far, no overbearing pain.

    Ed, I’m happy to help.

    Alex, add a cigarette to the mix and it would be complete.

  8. Alex/Watcher
    January 28, 2010

    Oh yeah I forgot- recovery advice: Hang out and do nothing for 2 days except an easy walk around the hood. I ran a couple miles on day 5, but with a (really secure) athletic supporter. I mtn biked on day 7, probably felt my last twinge on day 10 or 12. And you’ll be nervous the first time you, er, test the plumbing, but everything will work just fine.

  9. Doug (not dug)
    January 29, 2010

    The bad part is when you have to deliver a “Sample”. It is a bit awkward handing it to the nurse. Cause they know what you have been doing!

  10. Rick S
    January 29, 2010

    Adam, I had mine last year. Doc said the trick is to really take it easy for 2-3 days. Makes the recovery much quicker. I was on my MTB on day 5.

    I’ll see you in St. George. Can’t wait.

  11. SkiMoab
    January 31, 2010

    “Honey, I’ll get the Vasectomy, but I’m keeping the ‘stache.”

  12. A Faint Memory
    February 1, 2010

    […] may have noticed that things looks a little different around here. It’s the product of forced inactivity and a lazy Saturday staring at CSS code. Let me know what you think of the new […]

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