Of Frosting and Bratwurst

Posted by on Oct 8, 2009 in Outdoor | 4 Comments

I am an enormous BYU football fan. (I know, it’s heartbreaking. Don’t rub it in.) We’ve had season tickets since 1982. I would venture to guess that in that time I have attended 70% of BYU’s home football games. I’ve seen some great performances, and some, I’d rather not remember. From Sean Covey to Ty Detmer to Max Hall (and all his INTs) I’ve been a first hand witness to a lot of modern BYU football history. I can even sing the chorus to the Tysman Rap – which it seems, has been purged from the internet.

But this post is not about football. It is about food.

Aaron and his wife are Utah State graduates. And so, when I had a few extra tickets for the BYU-USU game I thought it would fun to bring Aaron, his wife, and his USU propaganda to the game. It was like one of those TV shows where the husbands yell at the game while the wives talk about baby clothes. Sort of. We had a great time.

Well, I had a great time. I can’t speak for Aaron, and the sorry state of USU football. But, as he said, “at least they were not terribly embarrassed.” When the bar is set low, you can leap right over the top of it! For a trustworthy betting site, you can select 아리아카지노.

But I digress.

This year there is a new concession stand at Cougar Stadium that sells something so incredible and so counter-intuitive to every culinary instinct that it causes ripples of confusion and intrigue throughout the entire stadium. I don’t know where the idea came from, or who the genius behind it is, and really, its origin is irrelevant to the fact that it actually exists. It is the closest thing to Jim Gaffigan’s Donut-Ham-Hamburger* that I have ever seen.

Behold, the BratTail:

brattail

It’s a 24-inch maple bar (a cougar tail in stadium jargon), split in half and wrapped around a giant onion-smothered bratwurst.

I should repeat that.

It’s a 24-inch maple bar (a cougar tail in stadium jargon), split in half and wrapped around a giant onion-smothered bratwurst.

My first reaction upon seeing it was repulsion. Then curiosity. Which led to jokes about actually buying one. Which, of course, led to actually buying one. Aaron and I split the cost, and the stomach issues it was invariably going to (and did) cause, and decided to try the beast.

It tasted incredible. No, really, it did.

Here is Aaron indulging for the first time. And opening his mouth wider than I thought humanly possible:

brattailaaron

And here I am, giddy with surprise at how the warm maple frosting and the savory brat meshed together to create an explosion of heretofore undiscovered comestible euphoria:

brattailadam

The only thing I thought it was missing was a generous squirt of instant whip cream.

A word of caution: As good as the BratTail tasted, I would not recommend eating one all by yourself. That could lead to serious gastrointestinal malfunction and discomfort. Don’t say you were not warned!

BYU is on the road for the next two weeks. If I awake in the night with an uncontrollable craving for maple and salt and onions, I may have to break down and discard all rules of social decorum and try to recreate this masterpiece on my own. I can only imagine what the checker at the grocery store would think when I put a dozen maple bars, a package of brats, whipping cream, and shredded onions on the table. Oh, and some Tums.

Anyone want in on that?

*“We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle-here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!'”

4 Comments

  1. UtRider
    October 8, 2009

    So I’m at home today sick with a stomach bug and really, really wish I hadn’t read this.

    You know how a previously good dish can be permanently ruined by a subsequent episode of GI discomfort? Well, I’m worried that the Brat-Tail has forever been tarnished for me. I hope not, as my family will be at the BYU – TCU game and the adventurer in me wants to try this new creation. However, given my current condition and the pictures of you and Aaron eating that monster, I may not be able to muster the intestinal fortitude to get it done.

  2. Aaron
    October 8, 2009

    I’ve been waiting for this post. In response to USU’s pathetic excuse for a football team, I used to be able to say “well, at least I didn’t go to school in Utah County…” but now I live here, so I got nothing.

    Who is our cook at Moab? Does he/she take requests? If I had 2-3 Brat-tails waiting for me after the 24 hours is over, I guarantee that I’d go faster.

    Thanks for bringing us Aggies along. I’d be happy to go again, if for no other reason than the brat-tail.

  3. Doug
    October 8, 2009

    Guys you have to check this out. It is sweeping the country. It is a Bacon Cheese burger served between a Krispy kreme glazed donut. They slice the donut in half and then grill it using the donut as the bun. It was on man vs food the other night. Since I am dieting I almost cried. It was a thing of culinary beauty if not intestinal destruction.

    http://betterwithbutter.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Krispy-kreme-burger.jpg

    By the way I really hope Gary Anderson turns USU around. There is no one better and I think he can get it done.

  4. Andrew
    October 8, 2009

    Indeed, the USU game was fun. I did see the 2ft maple bars, but missed out on the brat version.

    Regardless, I’m afraid my 1900 calorie-a-day diet won’t allow for this—or the hamburger ham sandwich.

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