I Don’t Want Leprosy

I have been threatened with leprosy, and who knows what other untold doom, if I did not respond to these questions below. So, Fatty, here you are. I hope you are proud of yourself.

And the only reason I have decided to answer these now (rather than later), is because I am stuck in this bewildering limbo as I wait, and wait, and wait for the hospital to call and tell us they have room for my wife to come and deliver the twins. Only in Utah will you find a line at the hospital to have a baby.

But, yes. The twins. They are en route. Watch this space for details. If you are into that sort of thing.

As for the questions…

If you could have any one — and only one — bike in the world, what would it be?

I don’t know. I love the bike I have. But if I could have any bike in the world it would be a bike that does not weigh anything at all, and yet is strong and unbreakable. It would have a built in GPS, air pump, gas stove, satellite radio, and Slurpee machine.

But if I can’t have that, well then I’d take a full suspension Jersey Devil.

Do you already have that coveted dream bike? If so, is it everything you hoped it would be? If not, are you working toward getting it? If you’re not working toward getting it, why not?

Sort of. I have the Jersey Devil hard tail. And it is awesome. I just want a little cushion for the pushin’ you know?

If you had to choose one — and only one — bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why?

Now, do you mean that every day I’d have to ride this route. As in no days off the bike. Ever?

I’d go with the Ridge Trail 157. Or maybe the Colorado Trail. Yeah, the CT. Because nobody can ride the entire trail in one day. And so the logic of the situation is destroyed, and thus I am excused from the contract of riding the same trail everyday.

Makes sense right?

What kind of sick person would force another person to ride one and only one bike ride to do for the rest of her / his life?

Have you seen Groundhog Day?

Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one or the other, why are you so narrow minded?

I ride both. If Dug is Bi-curious, then I am Bi-cyclual. I prefer my mountain bike however. But sometimes, like a cold Coke or an Otter Pop, a road ride just hits the spot.

Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent.

lol serious?

Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss?

Does the Fatty Tri earlier this year count? If so, then yes! If not, then, well…no. I floss everyday, but have yet to do any significant bodily harm to myself.

Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why?

Since my dream bike will have a Slurpee machine I suppose I could do without Ice Cream. But how stupid would that be, to give up ice cream?

What is a question you think this questionnaire should have asked, but has not? Also, answer it.

What’s with the beard? No kidding, a door to door salesmen just asked me that. He interrupted my writing, and after he was done with his pitch, he says, “so, what’s with the beard?”

“It’s just a beard.” I said.

“Oh, so you are not like an actor?”

You’re riding your bike in the wilderness (if you’re a roadie, you’re on a road, but otherwise the surroundings are quite wilderness-like) and you see a bear. The bear sees you. What do you do?

Take a picture. And then I’d talk to it. Something like “hey Bear, lucky for you I am riding with my slower friend today. He once threatened me with disease if I did not answer a 100 question survey. You could probably easily catch him on his bike. But first you need to let me on by”

But for real, I’d just take a picture and hope he goes away. Because I wouldn’t want to have to go all Davey Crockett on him.

Now, tag three biking bloggers. List them below.

I apologize in advance to:

• Dave
• Dave
• Dave